The Making of a War Goddess

Last June, I had a dream that I was a young war goddess in training.  I won’t repeat it here, but I described it in this post:

http://muninnskiss.livejournal.com/135624.html

I was discussing it with a friend the other day and something was pointed out to me.  In the dream, I had two things: a sword and wings.  She pointed out that these allow me to do two things.  The sword allows me to fight. The wings allow me to fly.  Pretty obvious so far, but what I didn’t notice is these two are the instinctual responses to danger:  fight or flight.  Now, I have a tendency to withdraw inside myself when confronted with conflict.  I hide.  I cower.  I don’t fight.  I don’t leave (flight).

I have issues with saying no.  People tell me to do something (or ask in a why I feel doesn’t give me a choice), and I do it to avoid the conflict and to try to make people happy.  Saying no would lead to conflict.  Conflict means I either have to fight or leave.  And I avoid that.  Not saying no is part of my reaction of hiding.

In the dream, I don’t have the sword or the wings at the beginning.  I found the sword, my ability to fight.  I was given the wings, my ability for flight.  It is interesting that I was supposed to present myself to the group of women and didn’t.  And then I went to them for a different reason, and they gave me the wings (which were weapons, too).  The room where the women were was underground.  It was a round chamber carved from grey stone, lit by candles or torches or some other source of low light.  It was very shadowy.  The women sat around the outside of the chamber and the other girls and I were in the middle.

The idea that I didn’t have the sword or the wings, but found and received them is important, I think.  As are the circle of women.

FFF,
~Muninn’s Kiss

Image by Luis Royo
Fight or Flight
By Muninn’s Kiss

There she sits,
Upon the floor,
A child,
A girl,
Cowering,
Waiting,
For them to tell her,
Do this,
Do that,
She can’t say no.

There she sits,
Behind the child,
A woman,
A warrior,
Black wings,
Silver sword,
Hiding,
Behind the girl,
Afraid to fly away,
Afraid to fight,
She can’t say no.

There she sits,
My child self,
Cowering,
Helpless,
Weak,
Afraid.

There she sits,
My warrior self,
Hiding,
Strong,
Independent,
Afraid.

The warrior rises,
War goddess,
Valkyrie,
Wings spread,
Sword raised.

To fly or to fight?
To fight or to fly?
To lift the child to safety?
To stand in front and protect?
Either way,
Any way,
Is better than cowering,
Is better than hiding.

I rise.

Image by Luis Royo
Mighty Warrior
By Muninn’s Kiss

I raise my sword above my head,
And show my mighty strength.
My slight body wire thin,
No muscles for to show.

Upon my arms the elegant blades,
I spread my arms for flight.
The wings they come upon my back,
Like two huge raven wings.

Do I fight, my sword in hand,
Upon the battle field?
Or do I fly, great wings spread,
To fight again some day?

But here I stand unsure of myself,
Not ready to fight or fly.
The mighty warrior lost in thought,
Unsure what she should do.